I Relapsed Because I Was Trying Too Hard To Be The Perfect Person
Then I just exploded.
It came upon me like a great depression. This time it wasn’t just a craving, which I had become so accustomed to throwing away easily, but a definite feeling, a decision.
It seemed like everything I had learned in 4 and a half months just slipped away and guided me towards the booze.
I had been so hard on myself the whole time during my sobriety, but I never once thought it would send me back. I was so sure about my freedom, and now I feel like a fraud and a failure. I am.
Sobriety wasn’t enough for me.
Being sober, I quickly felt I also needed to control my eating, exercise, take online classes, save my money and yet invest most of it into starting a business. So I couldn’t be properly proud of myself for what I had accomplished, because I noticed I was lacking in so many other areas too.
I guess I’ve always been an all or nothing person, so I should have figured the “all” would come to an end. That’s how it had always been; I’ve never been good at finding balance in my life.
I threw all my new energy into my work and becoming who I always wanted to be. Although that was a given, I never gave myself a break. Constant effort with negative-self…
